So back in September, I was sitting on the bus and somebody threw an old newspaper on the seat next to me. Four letters on this newspaper immediately appeared in focus to me:
You’re out of time
Now at this time I have been really questioning my existence, what am I doing on this planet, I’m getting older and is this all there is to life, etc. So of course those words really stuck out to me. Since I wanted to collect ideas for blog posts on this site, I decided to save this in Evernote.
Well, as I was typing my notes into Evernote, I got hit with an auto corrected word: deathbed. I don’t remember what I was typing, but I was like, what the hell… Now this has got me thinking even more. On my deathbed, will I be happy with my life? Or will it be one of regret. Regret of the things that I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve done? Or would I be lying there knowing that I’ve done a ton and lived my life to the fullest. Things that I am proud of. And it didn’t matter if they were failures, or huge successes. The main thing is that I tried and put action towards the things that were important to me.
I was born in Canada and my ethnic background is Chinese. As with many Chinese generation Ys, I was raised by a family that protected me from many of the harsher realities of life. Getting good grades in school was important and even doing chores at home was not. And I’m not bashing this upbringing by any means. I wouldn’t be where I am now without it. It was all part of my personal journey and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But this also put me on a path where I found it extremely hard to leave the beaten path and do my own thing. It was scary. I wasn’t used to the dangers that could lurk outside if I changed directions. And this would have been all good had I was okay with my current direction. And that is: after school: find-job-get-promotion-rinse-repeat. Always rinse and repeat.
But somehow, something in me still wanted more… Something that was more fulfilling than a hair washing analogy. I definitely didn’t want to be at the end of my life knowing that I played it safe, but at the same time, not really accomplishing anything that I was extremely proud of. And while I’m sure many people would be (or say they are) okay with that, this just wasn’t for me. I wanted to be doing something that I find fulfilling on a deeper level than the typical 8-5 and going through a modern Groundhog Day. I wanted to find my passion and chase that with every fibre of my being. I wanted the romantic notion of finding one’s own calling.
Well, I still don’t know that that thing is. But I am realizing that is okay. I will enjoy this journey that I am on, but one thing that I will avoid is inaction. A very wise coworker once told me:
Inaction is the enemy
And I totally agree with that. If I sat around and stayed on this path, I can’t see myself being fulfilled. I need to continually be putting action towards what I deem important at the moment. What I honestly find important. And currently I am finding that being creative and putting my work out there be important to me. I don’t know if this is the best path to take, but I know the worst thing I can do is to not take any path at all and just coast for the rest of my life.